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It is unfortunate that in South Africa, partner-on-partner violence is more prevalent than in any other country. As a result, one-third of young girls experience abuse and violence in their first relationships as teenagers.

This type of dating violence tends to occur when one partner wants to exert power and control over the other, and both boys and girls can fall victim to it. Shockingly, for one in three young people, their first love introduces physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.

Teenagers experience a great deal of change as they transition out of childhood and begin dating. This can make them seem impossible to reach or connect with, but that is when they need strong guidance the most.

One of the saddest realities is that dating violence is more common than we think, especially among adolescents. Even if they seem unapproachable, teens report listening to their parents more than anyone else, so prevention efforts must begin there.


Physical Abuse:

  • This involves any form of physical harm or violence, such as hitting, slapping, kicking, pushing, or choking.

  • It also includes threats of physical violence or the use of weapons to intimidate or control the partner.

Emotional Abuse:

  • Emotional abuse involves behaviours that undermine the victim's self-esteem, manipulate their emotions, or control their behaviour through fear, guilt, or intimidation.

  • This can include verbal insults, constant criticism, humiliation, threats, and isolation from friends and family.

Psychological Abuse:

  • Psychological abuse involves tactics aimed at manipulating the victim's thoughts, feelings, and perceptions.

  • This can include gaslighting, denying or minimising abusive behaviour, manipulation, mind games, and threats of self-harm or suicide.

Sexual Abuse:

  • Sexual abuse refers to any unwanted sexual activity or coercion within a relationship.

  • This can include rape, sexual assault, coercion to engage in sexual acts, unwanted touching, and pressure to send sexual images or videos.

Digital Abuse:

  • With the rise of technology, digital abuse has become increasingly common in teen dating violence.

  • This includes behaviours such as cyberbullying, harassment through text messages or social media, stalking, monitoring the partner's online activity, and spreading rumours or explicit images without consent.


Deromanticise the red flags of abuse:

Media can and has romanticised things like intense jealousy, passionate fighting, and excessive displays of affection too early in a relationship - these have all been identified as early signs of an abusive relationship.

It is crucial to recognise and deromanticise the red flags of abuse, as they can often be misrepresented or glorified in media and popular culture.

Here is a breakdown:

Intense Jealousy:

  • Instead of viewing intense jealousy as a sign of passion or love, it is essential to understand that jealousy, to an extreme degree, can be controlling behaviour.

  • It is not a flattering testament to someone's affection; rather it often indicates insecurity, possessiveness, and a lack of trust.

  • Healthy relationships are built on trust, respect, and mutual support, not on controlling or monitoring each other's every move.

Passionate Fighting:

  • While conflicts are natural in any relationship, romanticising intense or frequent arguments as a sign of passion is misleading.

  • Constant fighting can be emotionally draining and destructive, leading to a toxic cycle of tension and reconciliation.

  • Healthy communication involves respectful dialogue, active listening, and finding constructive solutions rather than resorting to aggression or manipulation.

Love Bombing:

  • Excessive displays of affection, gifts, or compliments early in a relationship may seem flattering initially, but they can also be manipulative tactics used to establish control and dependency quickly.

  • Love bombing often masks deeper insecurities and intentions to isolate and manipulate the partner.

  • Genuine love and affection develop gradually and are based on mutual respect, trust, and compatibility.

By deromanticising destructive behaviours and understanding them as early signs of potential abuse, individuals can better identify unhealthy dynamics in their relationships and seek support and resources to address them. Promoting awareness of healthy relationship behaviours and fostering open dialogue about consent, boundaries, and respect are essential steps in preventing and addressing abuse in all its forms.


Implementing safety measures against teen dating violence is crucial to protect young individuals and promote healthy relationships.

Here are some essential safety measures:

Education and Awareness:

  • Provide comprehensive education on teen dating violence, including recognising warning signs, understanding healthy relationship dynamics, and knowing where to seek help. 

  • This education can be integrated into school curricula, community programs, and online resources.

Promote Open Communication:

  • Encourage open communication between teens, parents, teachers, and other trusted adults about relationships, boundaries, and safety.

  • Create a supportive environment where teens feel comfortable discussing their concerns and seeking advice or assistance.

Establish Healthy Relationship Guidelines:

  • Promote and model healthy relationship behaviours, such as respect, communication, consent, and conflict resolution skills.

  • Establish clear guidelines for acceptable behaviour in relationships and consequences for violating those boundaries.

Provide Access to Resources:

  • Ensure that teens have access to resources and support services for victims of teen dating violence, including hotlines, counselling services, support groups, and safe shelters.

  • Make information about these resources readily available and easily accessible.

Empower Bystanders:

  • Train teens and adults to recognise the signs of teen dating violence and empower them to intervene safely and effectively when they witness abusive behaviour. 

  • Encourage bystanders to speak up, support victims, and report concerns to authorities or trusted adults.

Implement Safety Plans:

  • Develop safety plans for teens who are at risk of or experiencing dating violence.

  • These plans should include strategies for staying safe, identifying supportive individuals, accessing resources, and seeking help if necessary.

  • Safety plans should be tailored to each individual's unique situation and needs.

Address Digital Safety:

  • Educate teens about digital safety and responsible online behaviour, including the risks of digital abuse, cyberbullying, and online harassment.

  • Teach teens how to protect their privacy, set boundaries online, and report abusive behaviour on social media and other digital platforms.

Promote Empowerment and Self-Defense:

  • Offer self-defence classes or empowerment workshops for teens to build confidence, assertiveness, and self-defence skills.

  • Empowering teens to assert their boundaries and stand up against abuse can help prevent victimisation and promote self-confidence.


By teaching teens how to set boundaries effectively and empowering them to advocate for themselves, we can promote healthy relationship dynamics, prevent teen dating violence, and foster a culture of mutual respect and consent.


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Mike Bolhuis

Specialist Investigators into

Serious Violent, Serious Economic Crimes & Serious Cybercrimes

PSIRA Reg. 1590364/421949

Mobile: +27 82 447 6116

Fax: 086 585 4924

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